Yous and Is

(i)
You?
Who stained the boardroom table,
Stole to see if your wit was really that sharp,
Built menages e trois making best friends of best friends,
Missing zeros like Sunday morning traffic lights, You
Who drove into a shuttered down icecream shop
To celebrate India winning over Pakistan?

You?
Who called the landline to drunk fight Dad at two in the morning, You
Who gave her two different colored eyes, revenge
For not knowing your child as I bore her in me,
For whom I lost my faith, my courage,
Sitting in a psychiatric waiting room baby in bruised arms, You
Who said you'd always be there?

You?
Who stranded my cetacean mother till she breathed water, You
Who lay bleeding unconscious immovable on the living room floor,
While Mama walked out into the foggy winter night,
Taught me how to put superglue in vacationing doorlocks,
And powder on gorilla glass. Your daddy the guy
Who rained CDs, thousands of them, from the terrace
Because a neighbor called the cops? You?

(ii)
Crimes that pay to bring to life the walking dead,
Give sight to the blind, free the chained,
All due for hearing, no books really closed, verdict
Clear, real, as immediate as sunshine,
but I don't want the kids to know
That their father was convicted and jailed,
Not even if by himself in his own prison.

Aces don't win wars, my deeds, my consequences, my rules,
My knowing never being known, just knowing all is mine
Maybe someday you will know what you knew was wrong,
The coldness of her last breath hand, the gleam in the eye
At the convocation, the box of sweets. The nearness of the earth,
The warmth of the water, the million grays of the clouds. Me.

(iii)
Yes, me, and there is so much more
That I would rather you did not know.

1 comment:

  1. Such a beautiful ode.
    Good to read you after so long. Trust all well with you. Cheers!

    ReplyDelete

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