Countdown Expired

We set the countdown as soon as the doctor gave us a date. The sound of your heart beat made us smile foolishly at each other. We waged our wars silently against ourselves and against the world. We made lists of names, lists of things you would need.

When they told us at six months they were worried, we kept faith and prayed that you would be fine. We looked back at all the obstacles we had overcome to be able to have you and determined that life would not keep us apart.



A month later, we learned that you were not getting what you needed, and they could not tell us why. We ran from door to door but no one could give us hope. You were too small and it was too early to try and intervene. We were told to wait till we could hear your heart beat no more.

You died before you were born. We touched you briefly and then you were taken away.

For a very long time, our home was silent. All one heard was the sound of our crying into our pillows late into the night. Our questions had no answers. All we could do to honor your presence was to try and give life the best shot we could. We still struggle to do so, and we know that you are with us in our struggle.

A month later the countdown expired. We still keep getting the newsletters that remind us of how you would have been if you had been with us today. We still look at the dresses we stitched for you. We look at pictures from when we were getting ready for you and pray that you find the truth that you sought over lifetimes. We look at the courage and hope with which we pass each day and know that it is possible only because you are with us in everything we do.

Maitreyee, you have always been with us. We are proud that you chose us to be part of your brief journey. We are sorry that you had to suffer. You are here today and you are our song.

17 comments:

  1. Subho...I am so sorry, so sorry...is her mother ok?

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    1. Bhavana, today is one year since this happened. Yes, she is fine, as fine as one can be after something like this. The challenge for us was to be able to move on with life and I hope we would have been found worthy of the challenge. Thanks.

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  2. Dear Subho and madhavi,
    I salute both of you in grief and humility. I thought so far that I had struggled much more than anyone else. How wrong I was . I am so proud of you that u have not succumbed to this cruel blow of fate, but moved on with life.Dont worry Maitreyee will come back to you at the right time ,pure and healed. Love you both from the depths of my heart.My blessings.
    ma

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  3. Sometimes there just isnt words you know. i want you to know that I am reading this, reading this again, feeling my gut wrench and heart soften. Sending love to your family.

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  4. My God! I can feel your pain as parents. And, my heart goes out to your wife, as a woman and as a mother. I hope you both are moving towards healing slowly but steadily. Maitreyee will be there with you forever. The pain of losing a loved one never goes, just stays in our heart but does get blunt with time. I am sure, you both will see happiness again. Keep the faith! Sending you strength.

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  5. Shubhorup!
    I am speechless!
    Though I know this is one and only certainty in life.

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  6. Heartbreaking ... No words ... tk care ..

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  7. Hope you and your family find the peace you seek.

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  8. All my prayers.....The angels look out for you...

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  9. oh no...this is so sad :( I am crying as I read this. I can so relate to this. May you both have the strength to go through this tough time. All my prayers are with you. Hang in there...

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  10. my blessings and prayers are with you !

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  11. Subho.. This is the first thing I read today.. and I am in tears. My best wishes to both of you. You will have your bundle of joy very soon.

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  12. This is to let each one of you know that your comments and thoughts are deeply cherished by all three of us. If there isn't a reply, it is only because we do not know what to say. Maitreyee is two today, June 27, 2013.

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  13. I am so sorry..can't type anything else :(

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  14. You three continue to be an inspiration for me, with how you carried on with dignity in grief and despair, you continue to give light to others who are in darkness. Keep shining on.

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